Problems trying to conceive always comes with its own set of frustrations, disappointments, anger, loneliness, sorrow and a general feeling of doom. But the one part I find hardest to deal with is pressure. Pressure from family, friends, loved ones and acquaintances. Every other person wants to know why we don't have kids yet, if we are trying for a baby, if we are having trouble trying to conceive, when they will get to hear "good news" etc. I am okay dealing with my own set of pain and anger, but I really would be so much better off without people trying to pry in to our private lives.
We have been married for more than 6 years, 4.5 yrs of which I was in school. Now that I don't have school as an excuse, everyone, including our department secretaries want to know if we plan to have a baby. I usually smile it off, brush it way with some stupid comment, or just say "hmm ahh yeaa". I have said things like "yes I know, time is ticking and my eggs are getting older" to "I'm going watch everyone raise their own kids, so I can learn from their mistakes and be a better parent". I am not willing to share our difficulties and challenges with every other person I meet. But the questions never stop and I am running out of excuses and answers. If I do mention that its taking longer than normal to a friend, then I get the usual advice "relax, it will happen when the time is right" or "you know, my friend's friend had triplets through IVF - maybe you should try IVF" (like it was so easy and all you need to do is wave a wand). I understand that people say this because they have nothing else to say, I just wish they would say nothing in the first place.
Today's post is thanks to my wonderful mother. I love her to bits and she is supportive of everything I do, but she wants to know exactly how much effort we are putting in to have a baby. We live in two different continents, so I am spared of questions most of the time. I know she is genuinely concerned for us and wants the best for us. But its really hard having to answer her questions. She wants to know exactly what tests we are going through, when my tests are scheduled and so on. Because I am so close to her, its hard for me to lie about things. I try to give her some general information, but that is not enough. Once again, I know she is worried about us and is just trying to help, but its just doing more harm than good.
I felt so unhappy after speaking to her today morning. I wish I could tell her "mom, do leave us alone. Just pray for us that we can share the good news with you soon. Mom I really don't want to tell you if my husbands sperms swim fast enough or of i release eggs on time". I just can't get myself to say all this because I don't want to hurt her feelings.
I wish I could bury my head in the ground like an Ostrich so I don't have to deal with these additional pressures. How do you all deal with such well meaning but irritating interference?