tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post1799338286262298130..comments2014-01-23T13:26:31.106-08:00Comments on Stolen fertility...and my quest to find it.: PressureKeyahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01234168938842960525noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-29170857575925969862010-10-11T16:31:17.847-07:002010-10-11T16:31:17.847-07:00I've kind of become an oversharer over the las...I've kind of become an oversharer over the last two or so years. Now I just spill and tell everyone about our struggle. To be completely honest, part of it is because I want to make them uncomfortable for asking. <br /><br />But before I got to that point, if people asked me "why don't you have kids yet?" or something similar I'd just tell them, "Oh, don't worry. We plan to get pregnant. We're just practicing."<br /><br />That usually shuts them up.Just mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05671919237872985299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-77982820007041506662010-10-01T00:20:19.959-07:002010-10-01T00:20:19.959-07:00These questions used to hurt me so badly. They st...These questions used to hurt me so badly. They still hurt, but I don't hide anything from anyone anymore. If someone I hardly know makes the mistake of asking, I just let it all out. I'm sure they think I'm crazy! Holding it all in just got to be too hard.Tyler & Chelsiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10155231110121683346noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-24429320143725976642010-09-28T10:57:42.041-07:002010-09-28T10:57:42.041-07:00Hi! So great to meet another Biologist in the inf...Hi! So great to meet another Biologist in the infertility world! (although for myself I use the term biologist loosely. I have a BS in Biology and am currently working on a Masters in Public Health. Slowly working on it. I worked for five years in an environmental lab doing EPA toxicity testing on water output from factories and plants. It was great work, but the lab was small and I had basically gone as far as I could with them. I started at our local university earlier this year working in Regulatory testing of Feed and Fertilizer for the Department of Agriculture. Also interesting, but not something I see myself doing for years on out. As a full time employee I get free graduate classes, so I am now back in school!) (That was a very long parenthesis.)<br /><br />So, to the topic of your post, we went the route of telling everyone we were close to that we were struggling. It was a little different for us because we knew before we ever started trying that I would most likely have issues due to my endo. I gave my blog address to family and friends so they could keep up and that helped prevent me from constantly having to discuss the details. It worked for us, but I totally respect your alls desire for privacy. I am sure it is hard to know where to draw the line.<br /><br />I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you that this will be your month and there wont have to be anymore questions that are so hard to answer.<br /><br />PS. I am now following! Gotta support the fellow Biologist :)Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12248242606378957930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-30471162944718393252010-09-28T06:15:58.503-07:002010-09-28T06:15:58.503-07:00It's hard when you're having trouble and e...It's hard when you're having trouble and everyone is asking when you will have children. I also understand a mother who wants to help, but causes more pain then help.<br /><br />ICLWAprilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08019827440946283439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-32371240973889060122010-09-27T17:36:22.962-07:002010-09-27T17:36:22.962-07:00I remember feeling this way many times and sometim...I remember feeling this way many times and sometimes the ridiculous comments and questions came from the most unlikely places! I just gave you a blog love shout out! Happy ICLW!! (#61 & 62) Stress Free InfertilityKrissi McVickerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09057275861414960939noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-9893132104132573122010-09-27T06:39:21.994-07:002010-09-27T06:39:21.994-07:00Sigh! I used to be of the dont tell anyone anythin...Sigh! I used to be of the dont tell anyone anything camp and my husband still is. lately I have been breaking down and telling people bits and pieces but if I do share, I want it to be on MY terms.<br />Just come up with a stock answer with your hubby for everyone else and have a gentle, but direct conversation with mom. The questions wont stop coming but at least you will feel less flustered about having to come up with a response in the moment.heartinchargehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13201855179487928791noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-19947394656575961292010-09-27T06:22:29.370-07:002010-09-27T06:22:29.370-07:00We have been very open, VERY open about our journe...We have been very open, VERY open about our journey, so usually we get questions about how it is going rather than specifics...I have already provided them. And for those that ask me ignorant things, they get a nasty response, honestly. It's not easy, and assumptions about having children are so difficult to bear. Jokes help, and honsety. Sometimes you just have to say, listen, I don't want to talk about it right now. HUGS. <br /><br />ICLW #90Kakunaahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09680945395324128951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-25262379634624665332010-09-26T14:17:44.712-07:002010-09-26T14:17:44.712-07:00Inquiries from others can be so hard. Thankfully m...Inquiries from others can be so hard. Thankfully my family doesn't ask many (any?!) questions. We are rather quiet about our IF issues anyway, but getting an innocent question does bring me to tears every once in a while.<br /><br />Best wishes to you.<br /><br />ICLWHeatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11568731053148296398noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-81558147844591135002010-09-26T11:34:18.735-07:002010-09-26T11:34:18.735-07:00The only way I was able to stop the 'meaningfu...The only way I was able to stop the 'meaningful advice' & questions was to be honest about what we were going through. I got to the point that I was losing my mind, trying not to be rude to people (friends & family) or make them feel uncomfortable. We were going thru hell. So, I just told them. And they backed off. When I got the 'meaningful advice/comments' from the one's who didn't know, I nicely/smoothly put them in their place. <br />That's what worked for me. Hope you find your peace soon!<br />iclwAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-90450479294366021952010-09-25T21:49:07.516-07:002010-09-25T21:49:07.516-07:00I've had problems with my mom, too (which I...I've had problems with my mom, too (which I've written about and she'd kill me if she knew!). My policy is that I just don't talk about infertility with family or most friends, though it's common knowledge that I want a baby and obvious to everyone that it isn't happening. My new policy as of next cycle is not to tell ANYBODY ANYTHING - except on my blog, of course. People have big mouths, even when sworn to secrecy. If anyone asks, they get "nothing to report right now". It's too much extra stress to have people knowing when appointments are, what steps you're planning next, etc. It's hard enough to just survive it all, I don't need to spend my energy explaining it to curious bystanders.Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12316978989809741699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-16734420305373104542010-09-25T19:26:34.650-07:002010-09-25T19:26:34.650-07:00Ugh...the one thing I hated most about my infertil...Ugh...the one thing I hated most about my infertility journey was how much everyone thought they were allowed to know about my innards (and now they all want to know when we're going to adopt...). I'm so sorry you're feeling this awful pressure so acutely right now.<br /><br />Just remember, no one is owed any information (not even your mother!). This is YOUR very personal and often painful journey and you don't owe anyone any explanations.<br /><br />You could shut them up by asking a really, really, really personal question right back - like how much they make, or how big their husband's penis is. Yeah, that ought to shut them up fast...<br /><br />((((HUGS))))<br /><br />ICLWmsfitzitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17174138130763427353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-20960266311465820362010-09-25T19:08:14.774-07:002010-09-25T19:08:14.774-07:00I have not been dealing with this very long, so I ...I have not been dealing with this very long, so I don't want to give advice, just share what I've done so far. I'm trying to be very careful about who I tell. For people who ask unexpectedly, I've planned a standard response of, "We'll let you know when we have any news in that area," or "We'll let you know when we have any news worth sharing." Luckily I haven't had to use it much. But I've also been avoiding social situations since my miscarriages. I don't know how it will work in the long run.<br /><br />I like the humor idea someone else mentioned. I'm not sure if I could pull it off, but I bet my DH could . . .Hopehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05614983212919126632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-29754535384569774222010-09-25T12:32:16.418-07:002010-09-25T12:32:16.418-07:00I have been pretty open about our IF....with every...I have been pretty open about our IF....with everyone but my mom. My situation is different in that I do not feel close to my mom, but I do think she would be like yours and want the details. It's been really tough - I have chosen to be very vague and then outright told her "it was private," which I think hurt her and has been a little awkward. Sorry I don't have a happy story!<br /><br />Since it sounds like you do have a good relationship with your mom, do you think you could explain to her why it's hard to talk about it and set some boundaries? Obviously I'm a bad person to give advice about this, so I just hope you can come to a place of peace without pressure with your mom :)<br /><br />All the best to you!<br /><br />ICLW<br /><br />makingmemom.blogspot.comHillaryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01315741098772456270noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-87377251451767506822010-09-24T19:09:28.633-07:002010-09-24T19:09:28.633-07:00I am sorry for the unwanted questions/advice. I h...I am sorry for the unwanted questions/advice. I hope you get your BFP soon!<br /><br />ICLW #43christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16489232758689574628noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-38180944034114192572010-09-23T18:39:30.379-07:002010-09-23T18:39:30.379-07:00You know I think that people need to learn that as...You know I think that people need to learn that asking people questions about their fertility, or when they are having kids, is just NOT OK. I mean IF affects so many thousands of couples, chances are the person you are asking has IF issues. Its really an unneccessary question too. I mean really, its each persons business when or if they have children. It should be no one else's business!!Suzyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10979257233557088253noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-3192935814794434752010-09-23T18:03:41.946-07:002010-09-23T18:03:41.946-07:00I feel for you. I haven't worked up the coura...I feel for you. I haven't worked up the courage to tell our family we are TTC, but I have told a few close friends. They are very supportive and try to ask the right questions, but they just don't get it. I find so much more support through all you ladies out here in blogland. I don't know how I could have gotten through the past year without all of this. Hang in there.<br /><br />ICLW #74Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16875307109685150842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-32698772385431991232010-09-23T15:31:07.748-07:002010-09-23T15:31:07.748-07:00I hate that unexpected, out of the blue question a...I hate that unexpected, out of the blue question about where are you going to have kids. It just sucks the air right out of your lungs and you want to scream and through a fit, but then you don't and you internally deal with it. Ugh Then comes the advice....<br />I do find it a lot harder to deal when its my close frinds or my mom asking - I always feel like i'm letting them down that I couldn't do this.<br />I'm sorry your feeling the pressure today. I hope tomorrow is a lighter dayLindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07463102443227484978noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8263103958688331790.post-15153065710246428022010-09-23T13:46:20.078-07:002010-09-23T13:46:20.078-07:00The world can be a cruel place when you are having...The world can be a cruel place when you are having problems ttc.<br /><br />Honestly DH and I have taken a different approach, humor, we have made ourselves out to be people who are great with other peoples kids, but will screw up our own...lol.<br /><br />Just the other day we were getting hassled and we started joking around about how it is okay to leave a baby home alone as long as you throw some kibble on the floor and a bowl of water. <br /><br />For the most part this has gotten people off our backs, although we might be in trouble when we do have a kid...<br /><br />Happy ICLW<br />#100Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12659495120851692141noreply@blogger.com