Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Its been forever!

My last post was exactly three weeks ago, which goes to show how lazy I am when it comes to blogging. But I hope you have noticed that I have been faithfully commenting on all your blog posts. So I have very much been around.
One of the reasons I haven't posted is because I don't seem to have much to say. Things have been going fine (thankfully). I consider myself very very fortunate that I have no pregnancy symptoms so far. No sickness so far, and hopefully it will stay that way. Although, the lack of symptoms is also accompanied by this nagging worry if everything is alright. I tried talking about this to one of my friends, and realized that others just won't get it. I tried telling her about how life teaches you so much. I am a worrier in general, but if it were not for the infertility, I think I would have been a lot more worry free about the pregnancy. It took us 1.5 yrs to get here, so I know of a million things that could potentially go wrong. It most probably will be alright, but still. This friend fell pregnant very easily with her child, so its hard to explain why I worry. She thought I was overdoing it (whcih I probably am). I know she was only trying to allay my fears, but at the end of the conversation, I realized that only someone who has gone through IF will understand the fears and the worries.

Luckily, we had a chance to put some of my fears to rest today. We had an U/S appointment with my OB. Everything is looking right on track. We saw the baby move! It was the most wonderful feeling. I know now why every woman is ready to walk to the end of the world and back, just to be able to carry her own child in her womb. I  know now why we go through months of painful injections, just to be able to see that little heartbeat, the little limb buds waving at you.

During the U/S, I kept referring to the baby as "he", for no particular reason. My husband wanted to know why I was doing that, and I had no good explanation, except it was just a general reference and seemed easier than saying "the baby". But now I am wondering if I offended the little one in any way. So I have been trying to reassure him/her that all we care is for him/her to stick around and grow well.

There is another point I wanted to discuss. We were asked if we wanted to do the genetic testing/Nuchal testing. We discussed it briefly and decided against doing it. Mainly because this baby is much wanted, and I know that whatever the results of the tests, we are not going to change our minds about anything. My husband said "we will take what is given to us" and I agree wholeheartedly. I know some people like to do it, because it can be so reassuring. And I completely respect that decision. Also, my cousin was telling me about how with her second child, the test came back positive for Downs. They then had to do an amniocentesis, which came back negative. She said it was still a very harrowing time. I don't think I can go through something like that. What do you all think? Would you do it? Like I said before, I completely respect each person's decision, I was just interested to know why you would or wouldn't do it.

Last, but not the least, I'm sending loads of love and good wishes to those of you who are at various stages of their cycle, especially those waiting to start an IVF cycle, or waiting for their beta results (you all know who you are). I am keeping my everything crossed that good news will be yours soon.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

So far, so good

We had our first U/S appointment today morning. We were both so nervous, neither of us slept properly. I think hubby was a little more nervous than me, for a change. It was so nice to have him with me at the time of the U/S. He looked shocked to see the size of the "wand" and thought I was weird when I promptly undressed waist down and sat on the table like a seasoned professional.

I had to sit there half naked for atleast 20 minutes (ok maybe I exaggerate a bit) waiting for the doc and my pulse was probably around 150. The doc did the U/S and said that everything looks good. The CRL was 7.0 mm, putting me at 6 w 5 d. They don't take heart rate, but we could see the little heart pulsing, and the doc said that from what he could make out, everything looked ok.

It was such a huge relief to see that there was actually a tiny little growing thing in there. So far, we had both been so unsure that this was for real. But seeing the little one for real made such a huge difference.

On our way back to work, we called both sets of parents back in India, and our siblings. We hadn't told them anything so far, so it felt surreal to be telling this piece of news that we had waited for so long to tell.

For the first time since the positive test, I let myself get excited and happy today. I know, we still have a long long way to go, I hope things will be ok.

I am so so thankful.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Community support

I wanted to share a blog post by a fellow blogger who has linked to a Today show segment about the importance of a support group while going through IF.  I was very touched by her own experiences with the NYC Resolve Peer Lead Support Group.

I myself have never been part of a similar group. However, I have received so much support from all of you out in the blog world, that I can only imagine how wonderful it must be, to actually be able to hold hands, share ones feelings, and be understood without being judged.

I hope we each find our own form of support during what will probably be one of the stormiest times of each of our lives.