Friday, November 19, 2010

Florida calling

We are off on a week long vacation to the beautiful beaches of Florida!! We are traveling with two other couples who don't have kids either (so yayy for that).

Although I can never let go of all the thoughts that whirl through my mind 24/7, I plan to have a good time and relax as much as my mind will allow me to.

I am in my two week wait, but I have decided a drink here or there will not matter. After all, what are the chances that I may actually be pregnant? Probably 2 - 4 %. I am willing to take that risk.

I will of course, continue to stare at the toilet paper, and inspect my boobs. But that is secondary nature to me now, you can't let go of these things quickly. My co-worker said that the best thing about not having kids is that you can drop everything and leave on a vacation just like that. I do agree with her. However, I hope that next thanksgiving, I will not be able to go on a vacation because I'll be too busy caring for my new born! I come!!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Thanks, but no thanks

People love doling out advice. Whether it is about career, family, beauty, or relationships, whether you want to hear it or not. I was at the receiving end of advice yesterday, when two of my colleagues caught hold of me. I was in the break room, innocently heating my lunch, when both of of them jumped on me. Their advice? "Keya, you need to have kids, NOW".

First I stared at them, rummaging through my head for a suitable answer. I couldn't come up with anything, so I gave a big smile and asked, "and what made you say that?". Apparently, they were talking about another colleague, who had kids quite late. Their calculation was that when his kids went to college, he'd be around 60+. They thought it was extremely selfish of the parents to wait to have kids. They thought it was unfair to the kids that their parents would be too old to run after them, or interact with them as friends etc etc. Never once did they think about the people who probably had kids late because, maybe, just maybe - they couldn't conceive them any sooner! I preferred not to educate them on this matter, because if I mentioned my situation, then that would become the next topic of discussion for them.

My colleagues also talked about how wonderful it was to become a mother, and how it had changed them. I was awkward the entire time. Little did they know that just wanting kids does not guarantee that you can have a baby. Finally, I wriggled out of the situation by changing the subject and fled from there as soon as I could.

I wish I could explain to people my situation. I wish I had a good answer for them when they asked me when we were going to have kids. I wish I could say to people when they gave out free advice - thanks, but not thanks, this is personal and we'll decide when we want kids.

In other news, I am expected to ovulate any time now, and my dear husband is out of town. He left a few days ago, so there in no point thinking "but the sperm can survive at least 5 days". I doubt he'll be back in time to catch the egg. The sad part is, I will continue to hope and pray the entire two week wait. I know that this may not happen naturally for us, but I still continue to hold on to the hope that maybe a miracle will happen, and maybe we won't need the doctors after all.

Our first RE appointment is on Nov 29th. This will be the beginning of the next phase of our journey. I already feel so exhausted emotionally, I am not sure how I will continue on this journey. From what I know, part 2 is going to be far far more emotionally and physically demanding. I guess we'll just have to wait and see....

Friday, November 5, 2010

Happy Diwali!!

According to Wikipedia, "Deepavali  or Diwali, popularly known as the festival of lights, is an important five-day festival in Hinduism, Jainish and Sikhism, and occurring between mid-October and mid-November. Diwali commemorates the return of Lord Rama along with Sita and Lakshman from his fourteen year long exile and vanquishing the demon-king Ravana. In joyous celebration of the return of their king, the people of Ayodhya, the Capital of Rama, illuminated the kingdom with earthen diyas (oil lamps) and burst crackers."

Growing up in India, Diwali was an especially special festival for me.  Diwali for me meant,

a) Sweets. Lots and lots of sweets of different sizes, shapes and colors. We would stuff ourselves till we couldn't look at one more sweet. India being so multicultural, you would always find a different of sweet in each house we visted.

b) Fireworks. In fact, my sister and I wouldn't bother buying too many of our own. Instead, we would sit out at night, and watch the brilliant display of fireworks over the entire city.

c) Diyas. These are little earthern lamps that hold oil and a wick. We would decorate the perimeter of our house with these lamps. It was hard work, but the result was breathtaking. These days people use lights instead, but there is something quite magical about the flickering light of oil lamps.

d) Vacation!! We got 3 weeks off from school which was like icing on the cake.

I do miss those lovely days spent with family. It is said that during Diwali, Goddess Laxmi, the goddess of wealth and prosperity visits your house. I hope She visits us this time, because we could use some wealth for fertility treatments!!

So here's wishing you all a time filled with happiness, prosperity and good health. Happy Diwali friends.