Thank you all ICLW commenters. I feel so moved and touched with your overwhelming response. I got some wonderful advice and feedback for my last post.
I do love ICLW :) (thanks Mel!). I've picked a clinic close to our place. There are two REs there. My latest confusion: should I go with the older experienced RE with whom its almost impossible to get an appointment, or should I pick the younger RE who might be easier to get hold of ? Experience vs accessibility?
I have been dragging on calling to book an appointment. I am holding off because a) I am scared, b) Insurance issues - annual deductibles, out of pocket maximum etc, since I can start with costs fresh in Jan.
Might I add - I am always this confused, whether it comes to buying clothes, or picking up a packet of candy. Two things I had no confusion over - my dear hubby, and the immense yearning for a baby. It's just that nature itself is confused if she should give me a baby.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Shame on me
I am such a terrible blogger. I give blogging a bad name. My last blog post was on Sept 23rd, so its been almost a month since I posted anything.
My first and foremost reason is that I procrastinate - a lot! "I'll do it tomorrow" is my favorite excuse. As we all know, tomorrow never comes :) Secondly, not much has been happening to really blog about.
Since we hit the year mark, we went to the OB-Gyn to get started on some tests. My dear hubby got his swimmers checked, and they seem alright (the count is low, but not lower than the prescribed minimum). I had my HSG done two days ago, and the doctor said the tubes looked open. I have to say, I was freaking out about the HSG, but it was not bad after all. And I was so excited to see my uterus and fallopian tubes! After all, how many fertile women have that privilege?
What I am unsure about, is what happens next. The doctor said her office would get in touch with me. I am not very happy with my current doctor. When she came in to do the HSG, I tried asking her about what next. She looked confused, as if she didn't know the details about our case, and gave a vague answer.
I assume we'll just have to wait for a referral to a fertility specialist. How does it all work? I am so lost, because so far the tests were something to look forward to. Now its back to the waiting and wondering what next.
I feel slightly relieved after the tests. But that also means we don't have a specific problem to tackle, and it will be like groping in the dark for a solution to a problem that is not defined. I guess I'll just have to be patient and wait to talk to a specialist.
I wanted to add, even though I don't write any new posts, I religiously read all the new posts that come up on my blog roll (and have been trying to comment as well). I know a number of people are currently in the middle of their IVF cycles. Lots of luck to them, and to everyone else who are at some stage of trying to make that wonderful dream a reality.
My first and foremost reason is that I procrastinate - a lot! "I'll do it tomorrow" is my favorite excuse. As we all know, tomorrow never comes :) Secondly, not much has been happening to really blog about.
Since we hit the year mark, we went to the OB-Gyn to get started on some tests. My dear hubby got his swimmers checked, and they seem alright (the count is low, but not lower than the prescribed minimum). I had my HSG done two days ago, and the doctor said the tubes looked open. I have to say, I was freaking out about the HSG, but it was not bad after all. And I was so excited to see my uterus and fallopian tubes! After all, how many fertile women have that privilege?
What I am unsure about, is what happens next. The doctor said her office would get in touch with me. I am not very happy with my current doctor. When she came in to do the HSG, I tried asking her about what next. She looked confused, as if she didn't know the details about our case, and gave a vague answer.
I assume we'll just have to wait for a referral to a fertility specialist. How does it all work? I am so lost, because so far the tests were something to look forward to. Now its back to the waiting and wondering what next.
I feel slightly relieved after the tests. But that also means we don't have a specific problem to tackle, and it will be like groping in the dark for a solution to a problem that is not defined. I guess I'll just have to be patient and wait to talk to a specialist.
I wanted to add, even though I don't write any new posts, I religiously read all the new posts that come up on my blog roll (and have been trying to comment as well). I know a number of people are currently in the middle of their IVF cycles. Lots of luck to them, and to everyone else who are at some stage of trying to make that wonderful dream a reality.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Pressure
Problems trying to conceive always comes with its own set of frustrations, disappointments, anger, loneliness, sorrow and a general feeling of doom. But the one part I find hardest to deal with is pressure. Pressure from family, friends, loved ones and acquaintances. Every other person wants to know why we don't have kids yet, if we are trying for a baby, if we are having trouble trying to conceive, when they will get to hear "good news" etc. I am okay dealing with my own set of pain and anger, but I really would be so much better off without people trying to pry in to our private lives.
We have been married for more than 6 years, 4.5 yrs of which I was in school. Now that I don't have school as an excuse, everyone, including our department secretaries want to know if we plan to have a baby. I usually smile it off, brush it way with some stupid comment, or just say "hmm ahh yeaa". I have said things like "yes I know, time is ticking and my eggs are getting older" to "I'm going watch everyone raise their own kids, so I can learn from their mistakes and be a better parent". I am not willing to share our difficulties and challenges with every other person I meet. But the questions never stop and I am running out of excuses and answers. If I do mention that its taking longer than normal to a friend, then I get the usual advice "relax, it will happen when the time is right" or "you know, my friend's friend had triplets through IVF - maybe you should try IVF" (like it was so easy and all you need to do is wave a wand). I understand that people say this because they have nothing else to say, I just wish they would say nothing in the first place.
Today's post is thanks to my wonderful mother. I love her to bits and she is supportive of everything I do, but she wants to know exactly how much effort we are putting in to have a baby. We live in two different continents, so I am spared of questions most of the time. I know she is genuinely concerned for us and wants the best for us. But its really hard having to answer her questions. She wants to know exactly what tests we are going through, when my tests are scheduled and so on. Because I am so close to her, its hard for me to lie about things. I try to give her some general information, but that is not enough. Once again, I know she is worried about us and is just trying to help, but its just doing more harm than good.
I felt so unhappy after speaking to her today morning. I wish I could tell her "mom, do leave us alone. Just pray for us that we can share the good news with you soon. Mom I really don't want to tell you if my husbands sperms swim fast enough or of i release eggs on time". I just can't get myself to say all this because I don't want to hurt her feelings.
I wish I could bury my head in the ground like an Ostrich so I don't have to deal with these additional pressures. How do you all deal with such well meaning but irritating interference?
We have been married for more than 6 years, 4.5 yrs of which I was in school. Now that I don't have school as an excuse, everyone, including our department secretaries want to know if we plan to have a baby. I usually smile it off, brush it way with some stupid comment, or just say "hmm ahh yeaa". I have said things like "yes I know, time is ticking and my eggs are getting older" to "I'm going watch everyone raise their own kids, so I can learn from their mistakes and be a better parent". I am not willing to share our difficulties and challenges with every other person I meet. But the questions never stop and I am running out of excuses and answers. If I do mention that its taking longer than normal to a friend, then I get the usual advice "relax, it will happen when the time is right" or "you know, my friend's friend had triplets through IVF - maybe you should try IVF" (like it was so easy and all you need to do is wave a wand). I understand that people say this because they have nothing else to say, I just wish they would say nothing in the first place.
Today's post is thanks to my wonderful mother. I love her to bits and she is supportive of everything I do, but she wants to know exactly how much effort we are putting in to have a baby. We live in two different continents, so I am spared of questions most of the time. I know she is genuinely concerned for us and wants the best for us. But its really hard having to answer her questions. She wants to know exactly what tests we are going through, when my tests are scheduled and so on. Because I am so close to her, its hard for me to lie about things. I try to give her some general information, but that is not enough. Once again, I know she is worried about us and is just trying to help, but its just doing more harm than good.
I felt so unhappy after speaking to her today morning. I wish I could tell her "mom, do leave us alone. Just pray for us that we can share the good news with you soon. Mom I really don't want to tell you if my husbands sperms swim fast enough or of i release eggs on time". I just can't get myself to say all this because I don't want to hurt her feelings.
I wish I could bury my head in the ground like an Ostrich so I don't have to deal with these additional pressures. How do you all deal with such well meaning but irritating interference?
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