Thursday, June 20, 2013

Missing home

I am currently stuck in my native country due to visa issues. My visa back is currently stuck at the embassy and no one has any clue how long it will take. They said 5 to 8 weeks. So far its been 5 weeks. But I keep reading that applications get lost in bureaucratic red tape and a lot of people have been waiting for 6 months or more.

My daughter and I are currently staying with hubby's parents. It took a while for Ava to adjust to the weather here. She was sick a lot in the first 3 weeks or so. Bacterial diarrhea, cold, more diarrhea, and some form of UTI (did not show up in urine cultures) or fungal infection (the only other possibility), that was making her scream in pain while passing urine. Finally, after 3 weeks or so we settled in. We therefore did not want to travel to my parent's place, which has a totally different kind of climate, and more opportunities for falling sick.

Living with in laws is - well - interesting. Ok, its hard, really hard. They are absolutely sweet people who try their best to keep us comfortable. BUT. There is absolutely no form of discipline for Ava. The slightest peep and everyone comes running to her rescue. She can shout, destroy, go on a rampage, throw food on the floor, hit, and its all okay. Wow, I make her sound like a monster, which she is not. She is just a stubborn independent toddler who will try to get away with everything if you let her. Which is where discipline comes in. My FIL actually reprimanded me when I told Ava sternly not to bang my tablet on the floor.

Eating is another big drama. She can eat when she wants, what she wants, where she wants. I am told to give her cake, because cake is so full of goodness. Can we please add some sugar to her food so she will like it better? Err, no. Plus, my MIL loves to follow her around trying to feed her, when she has always been used to eating on her high chair. It feels like everything good we have tried to instill in her is being undone.
The hardest part is hubby had to return because his leave expired. Leaving me alone to face the drama. So here I am, battling to look after my child, while being looked at as a bad mother who scolds her daughter and deprives her of sugar. I try to avoid conflict, but sometimes its inevitable. Oh my God I can go on and on.

The worst is that I have no idea how long this will last. Hubby and I have decided that we will wait another 2 months, then he will seriously think about packing up and returning to India for good. We can't do this being in two different continents, waiting for federal agencies to look at my case for who knows how long.

Ahh feels so good to have let off some steam.

In pregnancy news, I had an U/S today. Baby is measuring 9 weeks and 5 days, right on track (thank you Lord). This pregnancy seems like the only silver lining in our seemingly uncertain and miserable life. I had some nausea from about 5 weeks or so, but nothing major - just food aversions, and throwing up a few times after a few bumpy car rides (thanks to the great Indian roads). Nausea seems to have subsided and I feel ok. I am scared to say I feel good, because I used to say this during my last pregnancy, and look where Ava ended up. So I am going to try and tell people I feel crappy, so they feel sorry for me and don't cast the "evil eye". In fact, its an old saying in India that pregnant women and new borns are the most vulnerable to the "evil eye". But thats a story for another day.

Please pray that hubby and the two (ok three) of us can be reunited soon, either in India, or back in the US, wherever God has planned for us. 


  1. Sending many prayers! I'm sure this is super stressful. Hoping you are reunited soon.

  2. Hoping you find grace and strength to navigate living in someones elses space. I can only imagine how tricky that must be, sounds like you are doing such a great job at holding your tongue - but I agree that it's not a long term solution! So happy baby is growing well!!
    Praying that visas get sorted soon- I have gone through the same thing not being a citizen. Not fun. Trusting you find peace about where your family should be long term.

  3. I'm so sorry Keya, I'm sure it must be insanely tough to be,apart and not know when it,will,end. Keeping,you in my prayers. Glad to hear,the pregnancy is going,well so far!