Oh how I hate all these facebook updates. I know I know, I should stop complaining about others getting pregnant, at least now. But I think the last two years of pain are so deeply ingrained in my soul, that I can't stop thinking these thoughts.
Almost every day, when I open facebook, I get updates about some friend who just had a baby. Most of the time, they do not post any pregnancy updates (thank God for that), so I usually have no idea they are pregnant. So it comes as sort of a surprise.
Of course, I then do the right thing - which is go to their profile and congratulate them. And then I check their albums. And realize that the previous big vacation they took to some beautiful destination somewhere in Europe or Asia was exactly 10 months ago. Which means they decided to take this expensive, long vacation before having a baby, then came home and tried once, and bam, nine months later they have their baby. I know this is how things work for most people. But it still irks me so much!
My husband always wanted to take a vacation to Europe (back in 2009), but I told him we had to start trying for a baby, that if we kept waiting, who knows how long it could take. Well turns out I was right, and we didn't get pregnant the first month, or the next, or the next. We didn't take our Europe vacation, and we didn't have our baby either.
I wish I could overcome these feelings, and become a nice person again. I wish I could be more like hubby, who just doesn't care about these things...who lives and lets live. I wish I could erase away this bitterness and cleanse my soul, and get ready to be a good parent. I will get there, some day, right?
In other news, I am 20 weeks along, we are half way there! We have our next U/S in 4 days, and I am so excited to see the little one. Its been 11 long weeks since we last saw him/her. And hopefully we'll get to find out if its a boy or a girl!