Sunday, June 12, 2011

Why is it so easy for them?

Oh how I hate all these facebook updates. I know I know, I should stop complaining about others getting pregnant, at least now. But I think the last two years of pain are so deeply ingrained in my soul, that I can't stop thinking these thoughts.

Almost every day, when I open facebook, I get updates about some friend who just had a baby. Most of the time, they do not post any pregnancy updates (thank God for that), so I usually have no idea they are pregnant. So it comes as sort of a surprise.

Of course, I then do the right thing - which is go to their profile and congratulate them. And then I check their albums. And realize that the previous big vacation they took to some beautiful destination somewhere in Europe or Asia was exactly 10 months ago. Which means they decided to take this expensive, long vacation before having a baby, then came home and tried once, and bam, nine months later they have their baby. I know this is how things work for most people. But it still irks me so much!

My husband always wanted to take a vacation to Europe (back in 2009), but I told him we had to start trying for a baby, that if we kept waiting, who knows how long it could take. Well turns out I was right, and we didn't get pregnant the first month, or the next, or the next. We didn't take our Europe vacation, and we didn't have our baby either.

I wish I could overcome these feelings, and become a nice person again. I wish I could be more like hubby, who just doesn't care about these things...who lives and lets live. I wish I could erase away this bitterness and cleanse my soul, and get ready to be a good parent. I will get there, some day, right?

In other news, I am 20 weeks along, we are half way there! We have our next U/S in 4 days, and I am so excited to see the little one. Its been 11 long weeks since we last saw him/her. And hopefully we'll get to find out if its a boy or a girl!


  1. I feel the same way and I am not sure when it will go away...if it will at all. I think because this journey is SO hard in so many ways that it is so deeply ingrained that it will be awhile.
    I can't believe you have had to wait 11weeks, I think, no, I know I would be going crazy. Can't wait to hear if its a boy or girl!!

  2. 11 weeks between appointments? thats crazy! I'm having a hard time with my 4 week wait!

    For some reason I've been spared a lot of pregnancy Facebook announcements. Many of my friends are years ahead of us as parents and made their announcements pre-facebook.That and a majority of my Facebook friends are professional acquaintances, so the conversations are less personal. I am seriously considering not announcing on Facebook at all. I know that as I start to show, word will spread and those who need to know will find out, either from me, or from the real life social network. We'll see.

  3. The pain of hoping for something that takes so long to come cuts deep. I am still waiting, and I am not sure that those Facebook updates will get any easier until I am pregnant. I guess, I will have to wait and see if it makes a difference...I am not sure it will. It's always going to have been sad, but I wonder if it will be like any other grief, that in time it will get easier? Congrats and I look foward to hearing boy or girl!!!

  4. I know what you mean. I still have lingering anger issues towards anyone I assume got pregnant naturally, or on their first or second attempt. I can't help feeling like my pregnancy is so much more tenuous than theirs, in a way they couldn't possibly understand.

    I haven't posted a thing on FB, and so far my friends and family have respected my wishes and also not posted anything. I am realizing now how hard it is not to post things, and to be careful about how you send out email updates (making sure not to offend anyone who might be trying and/or struggling). Mostly you just want to stand on the tallest building and wave your beautiful U/S photo in the air for all to see.

  5. I totally understand. I don't think that will ever change. I am 31 weeks and haven't posted one thing on FB and don't intend too. i can't imagine causing someone else the pain I felt when seeing those updates.

    Can't wait to hear if the baby is a girl or boy!! Congrats on the half way mark!!

  6. Hi, I read your story on babyandbump.I'm also diagnosed with unexplained infertility and started treatment.I recently started blogging also. What do you say about a link exchange?